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The Greatest Indian Chamcha

The Great Indian Chamcha (GIC, pronounced geek)

Scientific name: Chamchacus indian

 

Appearance: Strong resemblance to Homo sapiens; may lack the backbone

 

Eating habits: Depends on what Bossguru Sir-madam (BS) wants to have

 

Places found: Right outside the room of BS

 

Threats: Other GICs

The Great Indian Chamcha is a species of animals found extensively over India. They are seemingly harmless characters and rather objects of ridicule, until they walk away with the job you deserve (but apparently not the one you need right now). This article presents excerpts from a conversation between a noted GIC (name withheld on the request of his immediate BS) and our not-so-noted reporter Pornhob Cumswami.

PC: Mr. GIC, why do you think you got the promotion when there are so many better candidates for the job than you are?

GIC: I may not be the best, but I am the greatest. Just like you are the best reporter ever!

PC: I am not your regular supply of BS. Anyway, what makes you the greatest?

GIC: Sir, I believe that our greatest strength lies in overcoming one of the major weaknesses that most Homo sapiens still have. Ego. Yes sir, we have overcome our ego to serve our BS. GICs in the position of Assistant Manager would still go out in the hot summer afternoons to get that cup of tea from BS’s favorite teashop. Would any Homo sapiens do that? Pornhob, you are the most intelligent reporter ever. I am sure you understand the supreme sacrifices we make.

PC: I do. Okay so how do you take care of other GICs when they come threatening?

A completely unrelated photo, taken ironically from wakeindianow.com

GIC: Well, this is very tricky. If the other GIC buys BS a cup of tea, I’ll have to buy him a cup of cappuccino. If the other GIC praises the BS on his management and technical skills, I also have to bring up how well he maintains his health and takes care of his family and property, even if the GIC is called Siddharth Maal-Yeah. And now, before we progress any further with this interview, I have to do my duty.

PC: What duty all of a sudden?

GIC: The best newspaper in the galaxy, The Times of India, wants me to give a link back to their research on the Great Indian Circus and to KolkataBloggers. KolkataBloggers is the greatest startup ever, with really hardworking people who are not laid back at all. They are the brightest minds of the society who have tied up with the Apeejay Kolkata Literary Festival because, well, great minds blog alike.

PC: Our viewer, Miss Medha asks, “What happens if your BS doesn’t fall for your charms?”

GIC: Then we just have to try less harder. That’s the trick! Subtlety is the key to such problems. For example, if the BS proposes a new idea, less experienced GICs might say, “Sir, your idea is so awesome! Best idea ever.” But experienced GICs like me would just look amazed and enthralled without saying a word.

PC: Mr Pushpak from Kolkata asks, “What’s the inspiration behind your creativity?”

GIC: Politicians, mostly.

PC: Another viewer, Mr Bikramjit asks, “How do you take care of better looking female rivals?”

GIC: It is true that BS’es do promote them quickly, but their promotions usually end up at the position of a Secretary or a Wife. No direct threat there! By the way, thank you for asking such amazing questions! I am so overawed by the quality of viewers you have, Pornhob!

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If you have questions for the GIC, please post them as comments below. Facebook-enabled comments are there so you need not create accounts and all. Because working hard is only for the GICs.